10 Ways to Be a Good Husband
You already know that relationships are difficult. Marriage takes work. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t wonderful and rewarding, just that working on your relationship does not end when you get married. Too many people go into marriage believing it to be the culmination of their relationship. Once they are married, the relationship is set in stone and they will not have to spend any more time or energy making sure it still works. Anyone who has been married can tell you this is simply not the case. If you are looking for ways to be a good husband, here are ten suggestions:
1. Do one random act of kindness each day.
I often observed my father doing a small, nice thing for my mother. This often went unnoticed— not because my mom was careless or thoughtless, but because sometimes it was something so small that she simply wouldn’t have noticed unless it was pointed out to her. For example, she worked the early shift in a mill and he would make sure her favorite coffee thermos was washed and available for her to use in the morning. Not only does this encourage you to look for little ways to help out around the house, it helps to lessen the overall stress of household chores, which leads to a much happier marriage overall.
2. Don’t keep secrets about the finances.
Whether you are the sole breadwinner, she is, or you both work, it’s never a good idea to keep one member of that marriage in the dark about money. If she’s a spender and you don’t tell her that you are having money troubles, you’ll start to resent all that spending. Make your decisions together and don’t keep one another in the dark.
3. Get to know her.
Do you know what her favorite band is? Do you know what she’s reading? What she loves to watch? What is she interested in? Take in interest in the things that interest her. While you might not love watching Project Runway, you love spending time with her. Plus, taking an interest in what interest her shows her that you care about her.
4. Do things together.
When was the last time you two went on a date? If you have kids, call up the babysitter and get yourself a night off. Then, plan something fun for just the two of you to do. If you both love movies, pick a movie (or even an entire festival) to see. Or, try something new together. If you have never been golfing, trying it out can be more fun and less embarrassing together. If you can, get away for the entire weekend and spend it exploring a nearby city or town as well as each other.
5. Don’t be controlling.
It can be tempting to try and exercise your will over your wife, especially when it comes to things like money or decisions about the family. If you two are not an equal team, on equal footings, you are not going to last. Your marriage might stay together, through sheer force of will, but neither of you are going to be happy or fulfilled. Not sure if you are controlling? Ask her. Do you ever criticize her when she disagrees with you? Do you always have the final say on what the family does?
6. Keep the romance alive.
Sex is a big part of keeping a relationship healthy and thriving. If it becomes routine, however, it is not going to be satisfactory to either party. Being romantic, whether cooking her dinner occasionally or even just coming home with a bouquet of flowers, can be a great way to keep the spark alive. Sometimes, you might even want to stay overnight in a hotel or do something else to break yourselves out of your routine. Putting her needs first can ensure that this part of your marriage stays alive.
7. Be a good listener.
She knows that some details about her life or her day are boring. She doesn’t want to be one of those wives that prattles on about nothing while her partner stares off into space. She knows that a perceived slight from her sister-in-law is not really that big of a deal, but she still needs to tell someone about it. You’re her best friend, you should be interested in what she has to say and should want to discuss even trivial matters with her. You should want to be her ultimate confidant.
8. Remember that you are not her father.
It’s not your job to scold her for doing the wrong thing. She’s an adult, she knows that she’s done something wrong. She also doesn’t want to hear that you think she’s a “poor baby” when something has gone wrong in her life. She has a right to hurt feelings. Don’t treat her like you would treat your little kid sister or your daughter.
9. Work on growing together.
Marriages that grow apart do so because the two members of that marriage were not willing to grow together. If you feel that your life is significantly changing, you should want her to be right there with her. Make an effort to include her in those changes in your life and to be included when she is making changes, too.
10. Devote time to her.
There is no better way to prove that you love someone than to give them your time. If she needs you to help her unpack groceries, give her a couple minutes to unpack those groceries. The things that you give your time to are your priority in life and she should be your top priority.